Superstitions can be funny- bringing salt and bread to a new home for good luck – or terrifying- a black cat walking across your path. The Stevens kids have been trying to talk to their parents about a will, a living will and a durable power of attorney. But the parents will have none of it. Mom even lied when she was admitted to the hospital for back surgery that she had a living will. She can’t talk about it much less think about it. Why? Because when she was a teen, she overheard her parents talking about writing a will and purchasing a burial plot. The next day, they were killed in a car accident. In Mom’s mind, the mere discussion of death issues irrationally became associated with death . And now that mom and dad are in their 80’s, mom still refuses to talk about anything related to death.
Her kids are in a bind.
Though they all live in the same city, each of the three belong to a
different church. They know their
parents do not share the same level of spirituality. Mom is a church goer, dad is not. So what are they to do when their parents
die? They want to honor them but their
parents are keeping them in the dark.
Finding an intermediary to help start the discussion can be helpful. Calling a family meeting at a time when there
are no other social or family obligations is one opportunity. Using the death of another family member or
friend is often the catalyst that will jump start the conversation. Adult children should acknowledge fears and
superstitions while at the same time, help parents to look more rationally at
the situation. This is hard, no doubt
about it. But the conversation must
begin.
Image: Pixabay.com
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