Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Being Superstitious


Superstitions can be funny- bringing salt and bread to a new home for good luck – or terrifying- a black cat walking across your path.  The Stevens kids have been trying to talk to their parents about a will, a living will and a durable power of attorney.  But the parents will have none of it.  Mom even lied when she was admitted to the hospital for back surgery that she had a living will.  She can’t talk about it much less think about it.  Why?  Because when she was a teen, she overheard her parents talking about writing a will and purchasing a burial plot.  The next day, they were killed in a car accident. In Mom’s mind, the mere discussion of death issues irrationally became associated with death .  And now that mom and dad are in their 80’s, mom still refuses to talk about anything related to death.

Her kids are in a bind.  Though they all live in the same city, each of the three belong to a different church.  They know their parents do not share the same level of spirituality.  Mom is a church goer, dad is not.  So what are they to do when their parents die?  They want to honor them but their parents are keeping them in the dark.

Finding an intermediary to help start the discussion can be helpful.  Calling a family meeting at a time when there are no other social or family obligations is one opportunity.  Using the death of another family member or friend is often the catalyst that will jump start the conversation.  Adult children should acknowledge fears and superstitions while at the same time, help parents to look more rationally at the situation.  This is hard, no doubt about it.  But the conversation must begin. 

Share your thoughts and experiences about how you encouraged your parents to write a will and living will.

Image: Pixabay.com

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

ICE - Not the Frozen Kind

ICE = In Case of Emergency. 

Several years ago I heard a news story about adding an ICE listing to the contact list in my cell phone.  This simple addition can designate a contact to be called- in case of emergency, that is, in the event I am unable to communicate to first responders.  Thanks to Bob Brotchie, a British paramedic, this opportunity to locate a family member or friend for an unresponsive individual is made easier because first responders are supposed to look for the ICE contact.  That is, if your phone does not have a passcode!!

I did not have a passcode for my old phone.  Since I now have grandkids who love playing with phones, I have installed a passcode.  However, I am recommending the use of ICE listings for those who do not have a passcode for their cell phone.  Just another way to be a responsible adult.

You can read about ICE in Wikipedia….en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_case_of_emergency.

Have you ever needed the ICE contact?  Share your experience below.

Photo: Jonas Tana


Tuesday, January 5, 2016

To Shred or Not to Shred

Consumer Reports published a handy list of documents to shred and to keep.  Much of the information came from the Federal Trade Commission.  I looked for a link but no luck. However, here’s a link to a Consumer Reports article from 2010 that discusses the avalanche of paper we all have: http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/2010/03/conquer-the-paper-piles/index.htm.  The FTC recommends we keep our tax returns forever.  News to me!!  So I have shredded the tax documentation from more than 7 years ago but kept the copy of the return. 

I know from personal experience how overwhelmed I can feel when I see piles of receipts, bills, paid invoices, letters, and the paper stuff we accumulate.  Sometimes local government officials will sponsor a shredding day so their constituents can bring a certain number of boxes to a central location for shredding.  A small shredder works for me, however, and I can immediately shred old credit cards, and papers that contain my social security number or credit card number. 

And while we can get lost in a sea of paper, we can send ourselves a life preserver by completing the Vital Information Form.  Once the PDF is downloaded, it is easy to copy and paste it into a Word document that will be user friendly.  The VIF can be located in the blog when viewed in your web browser. 


As winter descends, think “great time to get organized”.  Schedule a date with yourself to clean out drawers and files.  Make room for the new.

Image:  Liz West

Being Prepared

Remember the Boy Scout Motto-  Be Prepared?  That's what this blog is really all about.  We need to be prepared for tomorrow because we don't know what tomorrow will bring.

I recently found a website: www.prepareforyourcare.org, a program that helps you make end of life medical decisions.  It is easy to understand and may give you the opportunity to bring up the questions of "what if" to your family members.  Having the talk with those close to you is so important.  A converstaion now can provide guidance to loved ones later.

Of course there is no one size fits all.  The conversation can take many twists and turns.  At first it is awkward and the person or persons with whom you are having the conversation may not want to hear it.  Ask them when a good time would be for a talk.  If the answer is "never", propose that they just listen so you can get your points off your chest.  You can talk about your concerns if you become unable to make medical decisions.  You can also talk about your feelings about organ donation, pain relief, treatment options, and hospitalization vs home.  If these topics are on your mind, start talking. Check out the website and also visit The Conversation Project, http://theconversationproject.org.

George was so upset that his wife did not want further treatment at the end of her life.  They had many conversations about her decision until finally she completed Advanced Directives and checked the box that her decision was final and no one could overrule her.  When there was no recourse, he realized that she was doing what she wanted and he was frightened about losing her.  He realized that this final decision was going to be in her best interest and he would have to face his fear of being alone.  Once that was done, George was better able to support her in the final months of her life.

So talk.  Talk to your children, talk to your spouse/ partner, talk to your friend.  Be Prepared.

Image:  Ron Mader