For Mothers with Daughters, and Daughters with Daughters

One of my younger friends asked me about my experience with menopause.  To be honest, I don’t remember all the details however, the reason for her question prompted me to contact my doctor and ask for a copy of my medical records.  My friend’s mother passed away many years ago. She has no aunts so she is asking friends.  Her gynecologist told her that women focus on “first periods” and not on “last periods” with their own offspring.    How true.  We may want to forget the experience but for those of us who have daughters, it is important to write down our experience with it.

I don’t even remember my first.  What I do recall is having to write down a date on many, many forms over the years.  What I think happened is that I arbitrarily came up with the year.  Was I really 12 or could I have been 13?   Could I have been 11? There is no one to ask now and I wish I would have kept notes and I certainly wish my mother would have kept notes on me as well as on her own medical issues.  Alas, as with most of the population, there is no one to ask.

In requesting a copy of my records I learned that medical practices may send a summary at no cost to a new practitioner if the patient is changing doctors.  It would cost me well over a dollar a page for my former gynecologist to send me the records and having been with the practice for over 20 years, that would be a lot of money.  Since I changed practices, my former doctor will send the records as a “courtesy.”  And when I have my next appointment I will discuss what information I need to share with my daughters and encourage them to write it down because all my daughters have daughters.

To moms who are reading this and to adult daughters who have daughters:  write it down; don’t leave it to memory.  I remember being told I was “becoming a woman” when I got my period.  Does that mean I stopped being a woman when it ended?  Nonsense.  Many of my friends referred to menopause as “freedom”.  But was having a period, bondage? 

I think each day just “is”.  No adjectives.  I find it interesting that I never considered menopause to be part of my medical history.  Now I do.