Write Your Own Obituary

A few months ago an article appeared in the local newspaper describing the author’s decision to write her own obituary.  This process is related to an ethical will since the writer must delve deep into his/her own psyche and decide what is relevant to discuss.  The author had some funny stories about her early life as well as stories about her professional life.  While she published it in a newspaper, she also made a copy and put it with her important papers so that her family would find it and use it when the time came.  Note:  The author is probably middle aged and will have many years to rethink her words.

 She mentioned she did not want a photo with her obit.  While pictures are eye catching when scanning the obits in the paper (yes, I still read a hard copy of the newspaper) I have also indicated to my family that I do not want a photo to appear.  If I were to select a picture of myself from BG (before grey), my grandchildren and maybe someday, great grandchildren, would not recognize me.  And if I were to select a picture AG (after grey), I would look old and not the person I have in my mind as who I am. 

The idea of writing one’s obituary is intriguing.  I’ve heard the exercise is used in some writing classes.  It would be an interesting conversation to sit down with family and friends and create one.  What do others remember or value about you?  Do I have the courage to do this?  No, I don’t think so…yet.  As I get older, I get more daring!  What about you? 

Photo: Robert of Fairfax 

Digital Will

We all know about wills and power of attorneys; we don’t all know about ethical wills and digital wills.  I’ve blogged about ethical wills and today I want to draw your attention to a digital will.

Many of the points discussed in an online article are already in my template.  Here’s what Ken Colburn of Data Doctors wrote on April 5, 2018—

.                Make a list of your accounts and devices

               Write down passwords for sites and for devices.

              If you have a website, write down the passwords and any identifying info needed to access the site

4              Assign someone to be responsible for the accounts, website and devices.  This may be one person or several.  You can also include your wishes about what to do with the website or account. 

5.            Assigning someone to monitor your email account is critical.  Just think of the amount of mail you receive daily.  While most of it could be considered “junk”, I’ll bet there are some that would be important for your heirs.

6              Google has an Inactive Account Manager.  I was able to go into settings and select a manager if my account was to be inactive.  Https://goo.gl/sVJgTj.  I went to Personal Info & Privacy, Control your Contents and then Assign an Account Trustee.   Perhaps other systems have something similar.

7              Facebook also has a legacy contact.  I set up a contact last year.  You can search on Facebook for “Memorialization Request”.  The individual being memorialized must appoint a legacy.  To do this, follow these instructions:

1.     Click  in the top right of Facebook and select Settings

2.     Click Manage Account

3.     Type in a friend's name and click Add

4.     To let your friend know they're now your legacy contact, click Send

All this info is great- if we take action.  Otherwise it is merely an exercise in procrastination.

How are you going to take action?  Share…

Death Cafe in PIttsburgh

Several weeks ago my local library and I hosted a Death Café- an opportunity to talk about death in a safe and respectful setting- and eat cake and drink coffee.

I blogged about the concept many months ago when I attended a session in a neighboring community.  It was an eye opening and uplifting experience and I left that meeting with the intention of doing one locally.  The librarian who is responsible for programming at my library was intrigued and agreed to help.  And help he did.  He created a great press release and marketing material for the library’s Facebook page and e-newsletter.   I was delighted with 38 attendees.   Many expressed an interest in attending future Death Cafes.  With the encouragement of the librarian, we will set up another one- in a larger space- for the fall.  We broke up into 4 groups and each group talked about something different. 

If you are intrigued, google deathcafe.com.  Maybe you want to connect with your local library and plan one.  There’s even a Death Cafe Pittsburgh Facebook group among other Death Café Facebook groups around the world.   Death Café started in 2011 in England because the founder and his mother didn’t have a place to talk about death so they decided to change the model.   This seems to be the reason for lots of grassroots activities…change. 

A few days ago I shared my experience with some friends and one of them, an astute businessman, said he didn’t want to talk about death because “when it comes, it comes.”  I’m sure he has a will and financial power of attorney but does he have a medical power of attorney?  Does his wife and adult children know what his wishes are if he is unable to make medical decisions for himself?  He didn’t want to talk about it and the subject was dropped.

The discomfort of talking about the “what ifs” needs to be balanced with the chaos of what might happen if there are no contingency plans.  That’s why I believe in talking about the uncomfortable.  Keeping secrets, burying my head in the sand and ignoring facts is selfish, in my opinion.  What do you think?

Swimming with the Sharks

I’m currently reading The Rainbow Comes and Goes by Anderson Cooper and Gloria Vanderbilt.  It’s conversations between the news reporter, Anderson Cooper, and his mother, Gloria Vanderbilt who is an actress, artist and fashion designer.  One statement popped out for me.  Anderson is writing about his work ethic and his desire for adventure.  He talks about sharks and their need to almost continuously move forward in order to breathe.  He imagines himself “a shark gliding through dark, silent seas.”

Why did this resonate with me?  Maybe because I consider myself a forward thinker, a person who is constantly looking for what lies ahead.  In dragonboating (google the word if it is unfamiliar to you), we are coached to look to the finish line when we practice so it is automatic when we race.  Most life coaches talk about goal setting to help their clients make behavioral changes.  When we stand still for long periods, we are not working toward our goals. 

Yes, we need quiet time to assess, to plan and to evaluate.  But not too long...action is part of the planning.

Organizing, decluttering, cleaning the nooks and crannies of a room, purging clothes and food that is outdated and reassessing the important stuff:  will, healthcare and financial powers of attorney, are all necessary to move forward.    Confession- I found some serious dust bunnies in a corner of a seldom used room during spring cleaning. 

What are you cleaning, organizing?  What can you give away?  Share….

Swedish Death Cleaning

Maybe because I’m tired of the snow and cold, I’m thinking about spring and the inevitable Spring Cleaning.  Or maybe because I’m seeing “Spring Cleaning” tips on magazine covers and on Facebook, I’m thinking about it.  I’m thinking so hard that I decided to postpone my scheduled cleaning activity so I can write this blog!!  That’s called procrastination.

In reality, I saw a post on the NextAvenue.org blog and an article in the AARP magazine on Swedish Death Cleaning.  Döstädning is the Swedish word for Death Cleaning or decluttering your living space while you are still alive. 

One of the more original thoughts in the articles was to get rid of diaries, journals and the like if they contain information that might cause loved ones to be hurt by the words.   And in today’s society, at least in the US, younger people do not want the family heirlooms- grandma’s silverware, Uncle Joe’s collection of cigar bands, records or tapes but no machine to play them on, and so on.  Serious death cleaning involves getting rid of clothing, furniture, keepsakes that one doesn’t need to live out the years s/he has left. 

To tie this all together, I am washing windows and floors, shredding old papers, cleaning cabinets especially in the kitchen and going through clothing.   I will get exercise from the cleaning, and I will toss out dated food.  Charities will get the clothes that no longer “bring me joy”.  I will be lighter.   My mind will be open to new ideas as I clear out the old ideas.  It’s all good!  I’m not labeling this as “Death Cleaning”, rather it is Spring Cleaning.

Join me this spring in decluttering.  Let me know your methods and techniques.  Love the microfiber cloths!

SHREDDING

While I’ve discussed this before, March seems like a good time to review the topic.  As we “do our taxes” we often are left with a mountain- at least a small hill- of papers, receipts, etc.  The Federal Trade Commission has a list of items to be shredded and to be retained.  Go to FTC.gov and search for “shredding”.  And if you don’t want to do that, here’s the list:

Shred immediately:  sales receipts, ATM receipts, paid credit card statements, paid utility bills, credit offers, cancelled checks that are not tax related, and expired warranties.  Comments:  I save receipts until I’m sure I don’t have to return anything- even grocery store receipts.  And I also save utility bills until the end of the year.  I recycle credit card offers- EXCEPT the page with my address. This I tear up immediately.  Note:  If you want to stop receiving credit card offers, visit https://www.optoutprescreen.com/?rf=t and complete the form.  You can opt out for 5 years or permanently.

Shred after a year: pay stubs, bank statements, and paid, undisputed medical bills.

Shred after 7 years:  tax-related receipts, tax related cancelled checks, W-2s and records for tax deductions taken

Shred car titles after you sell your car(s); shred home deeds after you sell your house(s); shred improvement receipts after your sell the home and pay capital gains taxes.

Keep forever in a safe place (one that is made known to a trusted person): birth certificates, social security cards, marriage or divorce decrees, citizenship papers, adoption papers, death certificates, tax returns.  I also include wills, instructions after death, power of attorney, and other important documents. 

Hope everyone in the US has an easy time with their tax prep.  May you have a lovely refund!!

DECLUTTERING

Not organizing – decluttering.   The word is softer; the action is still hard work.

 

In December ( it’s now mid-February), I decided to organize my photos- not the digital ones- the old fashioned hold- in- your- hand ones.  What an undertaking…I’m only about a quarter of the way through the albums I inherited from my parents and those I created when my kids were young. 

I think decluttering is like home remodeling….it always takes longer than you planned and the costs are greater than the budget. 

I am getting pictures scanned and then I will make photo books for each of my kids.  What I thought would be a one month project will probably be a yearlong project.  And persevere I will.  2018 will be my year of decluttering, organizing, and breathing. 

Tips from professional declutterers (not sure if this is a real word)—

For clothing, look at your clothes and decide if you really like each piece.  If not, give the item away. 

                Put yourself on a 30 day freeze of non-essential purchases.

                Schedule downtime to rejuvenate yourself.

Walk out of your house/apartment/ room.  Then walk back in as if you have never been there before.  Look at your environment through a new lens.  What do you like?  What would you change?  And most important, what would you get rid of?

I also started on my recipe collection.  I’m a recipe clipper.  Newspapers, magazines, online recipes.  And I remember painstakingly putting recipes into notebooks years ago.  Now it’s time to review and pitch.  While I haven’t filled a dumpster yet, I am throwing out recipes that I will never make.  My cooking and baking habits have changed over the years.  So why have I been hanging on to pieces of paper that I will never read?    I have no answer.  For the past few evenings while watching TV, I have been discarding old yellowed recipes and discovering those that have possibilities.  Decluttering is freeing. 

What are you doing to organize your life?  To declutter your life so your path is safe and easily walked on?