A Written Legacy

Thanks to my brother-in-law for passing on the following information. 

 Ebey Funeral Solutions in Dallas created a brochure with interesting questions.  In it, the suggestion is given to spend  time each week answering one of the 50 questions listed.

It is not an overwhelming assignment.  Schedule 15 minutes one day a week for 50 weeks and at the end you will have a wonderful legacy to leave for your family.  

If you would like the list, I think I can scan it into a response to an email.

Some of the questions are:

Why did you parents give you your name?

What are your favorite family traditions?

Where did you go to school?  (Elementary, Middle, High School, College, etc)

How did you and your spouse/partner meet?

What are your special talents?

I’m sure you can come up with your own list of questions/topics and begin answering them in September which is frequently considered another time to reboot/reconnect/begin anew.

In the past when I have thought about writing about my life, I seem to focus on the hard times and then I get sad and give up.  Having topics, like writing chapters in a book, would help me break down my story into manageable parts.  I’m going to try this. 

Let me know what you decided to do.

The Funeral Folder

At the funeral of a friend, the clergy told the story of the woman’s life.  He smiled when he said the woman had a Funeral File among her papers.  This file contained her wishes for her funeral including the name of the cemetery, the plot number and the psalms she wanted to be read.  She had everything labeled and her husband and children had the gift of giving her exactly what she wanted.

It is a gift.  I think most of American society think of the final preparations as morbid or scary.  I look at it as a gift.  I have peace of mind knowing that I am doing my best to have all the necessary legal and practical bits of information in one place so that my family will not have to agonize over whether or not they did the right thing for me if I become incapacitated or die.  

In honor of my friend, I am renaming my file, The Funeral File.  It has a boring label: will, etc.

Onward to the label maker and beyond…

As always, please leave a comment if you are inclined.

Insurance Review

If I’m not talking about cleaning, reviewing, organizing and the like, I am thinking about it.  Several weeks ago we received a call from the insurance agent who bought the company from our agent of many years.  He is on a quest to visit all of the clients and to review their coverages.  Lucky for us, he paid us a visit and we were able to delete a few line items, add a few and at the end, we are saving some money and we have greater auto and home coverage. 

One of his stories interested me. Chester is now 80 and has not reviewed his car insurance policy  for 15 years.  When he sat down with the young agent, Chester realized he had been paying for milage that he did not need.  Chester only drives to the grocery story, the doctor and to church.  He no longer drives miles to call on customers.    And Chester's car is the same 2002 car he had when he  talked with his insurance agent in 2002.  Then he needed collision, now, not so much.    As a result of the discussion,  Chester is saving money.

He also suggested that we take photos of each room of the house with particular attention to any item that may be of value so that there could be some record, however accurate it might be, in the event of a fire, flood or theft.  Such a good idea. 

Turning thoughts into action – the most difficult behavior change- is now on my list.  I scheduled a time to use a camera, then upload them to a site and get prints made.  These prints will go into my fireproof safe.  I can also put them on a thumb drive and put that in the safe but in 10 years, the current drives may not be able to be used due to new technology.

I still have to work on getting my family photos in order but his visit spurred me on to take action and create snapshots of my house and my stuff.

If anyone is interested in finding a new insurance agent in Pittsburgh, email me and I will share his contact info.  If not,  call your car/home agent and review your coverage.  You never know what you might learn.

Happy picture taking!!

Hand Me Downs

Most of us are familiar with the term “hand me down”.  For some, it denotes poverty; for others, it means adventure.  Growing up, the “term hand me down” represented both.  I felt poor because I was relying on cousins giving me clothes and at the same time, the arrival of a package from New York was an adventure.

In the early years of child rearing, I created 2 new terms: “hand me up” and “hand me over”.  The concept is simple:  a “hand me down” is an item that is given to a younger person; a” hand me up” is an item given to an older person; a “hand me over” is an item given to a contemporary.  Recently, one of my daughters did a closet purge and I am now the recipient of several “new to me” tops—the perfect “hand me up”.  When my daughters exchange clothing, the “hand me over” concept plays out.  It is rare that any of the kids want to wear my clothes and if they would, I would be happy to give them my “hand me downs.”

Why is the important?  Because cleaning closets and drawers is a necessary and freeing activity.  It goes along with being organized.  The less “stuff” we have to deal with, the easier it is to find what we want and we can share our excess with others in the community.  One of my college aged granddaughters told me about a project at their school that promotes swap days.  Girls who want to exchange clothes meet and most everyone leave with something new to them. 

The takeaway is – go clean a closet or a drawer.  Decide what to do with the items- keep, pitch, give away.  Free up the energy around you for new inputs!

Hidden Treasures

A story in a local newspaper shed light on the challenge of “stuff”.  The reporter wrote about a woman who is faced with clearing out her mother’s home.  The mom lived with her sister for over 60 years.  That’s 60 years of stuff from essentially 2 independent women.  The mom was married and had several children and subsequently multiple grandchildren and great grandchildren.   The sister in law worked as a buyer for an upscale clothing store.  Now, the daughter/niece has to determine what to do with all the items so that the house can be sold.  This is a very time consuming task. 

The article quoted several Professional Organizers.  Both said the same thing- look over the materials and select a few things to bring into your own home.  Do you really need all the love letters from World War II or will a few suffice?  How many sets of dishes do you want to bring into your own home?  If you don’t know the people in the photos, do you really need the picture?  Many of us had scrapbooks, before scrapbooking was a “thing”.  I recently looked at one of mine and realized the greeting cards I saved were meaningless and my kids wouldn’t know the senders; I put the books into the trash.  One less thing for my kids to do when I am no longer around.

There are people in the community who can use dishes, pots and pans, etc.  As responsible adults, we can make those decisions now so that our loved ones won’t be saddled with the task later.  If the children and grandchildren already have their own homes, they probably do not need another set of dishes or pots. 

Schedule a few hours each week to go through a closet, a chest, a few drawers.  Get rid of the extra stuff now by selling it, giving it away or throwing it away.  I’m not talking about being a minimalist; I am talking about freeing oneself of things/clutter/old and outdated items.

There’s lots of talk about food cleanses/ detox now.  Whether or not they work is another topic.  A “stuff” detox, however, will be very helpful to your loved ones.

CON MAN

A friend’s 95 year old mother (we will call her Gwen) gave $6000 to a funeral home owner for her pre-paid funeral.  Unfortunately she made the check payable directly to the owner- not the funeral home.  Then the funeral home filed for bankruptcy.  So what’s a daughter to do?  First she called the police.  Then she reviewed the situation with her mother who is embarrassed.  The funeral home owner was supposed to be arrested but is now working for another funeral home in the same town. 

But what happens to Gwen who lost $6000?   Will she live long enough to get it back?  Sad.  I don’t have the answers; it continues to amaze me that bright, sharp people can be swept off their feet by a fast talking con man.  Lesson- talk to friends/family before making an investment. 

And how can we prevent our elderly loved ones from becoming victims to con artists?  One way might be to convince the individual to add another person’s name to their checking account so that all checks require 2 signatures.  I know – families are complicated.  This may not work for all families.

 

Trust is a complicated issue.  And pride can be even more complicated.  As older adults, can we trust our kids?  Can we trust the business establishments in our community?  How do we face our friends and relatives when we have made a mistake?  Personally, I think friends and family who would ridicule someone who is in a bind are not really friends.  They are not trustworthy. 

I send good wishes to Gwen.  I hope she gets all of her money back and I hope the person who stole from her is punished.

Comments?  Leave your comments below.

What Are Your Goals?

We can look at this question from many angles.  Are we training for a competition?  Are we trying to lose or gain weight?  Do we need to choose a career? And this question is also relatable to health care. 

An article in The Washington Post by Dr. Mitch Kaminshi from March 9, 2015 discusses this question from the patient’s point of view.  The medical community generally wants to solve the problem for the patient.  The patient may really want to be able to reach a level of quality of life that is important to him/her.

The same goes for thinking about how we want to leave our “stuff” to our heirs.  What are our goals?  Do we want to leave our papers in order?  Have all the important information readily accessible?  Or do we want our children or friends/ family to have a difficult time finding papers, names, and phone numbers in order to settle our estate?  Do we want to allocate our money in a specific way or do we want to leave it to the state?  Do we want people arguing over our care or do we want to have our wishes carried out if we are incapacitated? 

Each of us has an idea of what we want and too often no one asks us for our thoughts.  So tell your family you want them to have a difficult time finding all your papers when the situation calls for it so they will get off your back about getting a will or organizing your papers.  Or tell them you are taking action and getting your affairs in order and insist they should do the same.  Use my form or find another one as a start.

What are YOUR goals?