Photos

Most people over age 30 have photos- the real kind- the ones you can hold in your hand that are printed on photo paper.  But what happens to them after we are no longer able to identify the subjects or share the memory?  As an only child, I have pictures from my parents’ home.  I didn’t have to divide anything with siblings.  And most of the people in those pictures are long gone.  In fact, I don’t recognize many of them.  So what will my kids do with them?  A dilemma. 

I also have photos that I took of my kids when they were little.  Today, I don't recognize their friends.  And now that my kids are adults, they are only taking digital photos.  So what do we do with all the photos- real and digital?  I’m open to suggestions.

I have a photo of my dad and his parents from 1907 or 1908.  And one of my mother’s parents from around 1932.  The dates are guesses so my next “organizing task” is to attach a sticky note to the back of the photos.  I probably should make copies so that each of my kids have one.  If I leave it up to them to make the copies after I’m gone, it probably will not get done.  They may not care but I do. 

 

The two important questions are:  1) What do you really care about?  2) How much effort are you willing to invest to be able to check off the task on your list of Meaningful Things I Need to Do Before I am No Longer Able to do Them?

This actually might be a good January/February project – at least in the cold weather climates. 

How many of you have 8 or 16 mm movies of your family?  If I don’t get them transferred soon to a DVD, it is possible that my kids will be unable to view them.  And then their kids will miss out on the fun, too.  

And if I buy an online service to store my photos, what will happen to them when I am no longer around to pay the fee? The more stuff we have, the more complicated life becomes.

Recently, I saw a commercial for a local history display at one of the museums in town.  On the screen were photos from possibly the 1950’s.  There were no captions so I don’t know who took the photos or the names of the people in the photos.  So the question becomes, how did the museum get the pictures.  Were they donated?  Is credit given to the family?  Or did someone find random pictures at a flea market and then put together a display?  Think about all the historical pictures that pop up on the internet from time to time.  Would you want your family photos to go viral in twenty years?  There are no real answers- just something to think about.

Please chime in…..what are you doing with your family photos?

Year End--New Resolutions

The holiday season is upon us with its endless sales, recipes, invitations, decorations and music.  What I don’t see or hear about is PLANNING.   How do we accomplish what is expected of us by others and of ourselves?  We always hear about people who wait until the last minute to do what they have to do.  And, yes, the situation usually turns out ok.  But what about those spontaneous events that throw us off our course?  Do you have to go to the convenience store to buy a quick present or do you shop in September to avoid the crowds?  This is not a discourse on which way is best.  You can weigh the pros and cons of each scenario. 

Planning is so necessary and the real purpose of this blog.   Families who lose out are those who have tragic accidents befall them.  Most young people don’t plan for their death.  They don’t keep their important papers in one spot because they don’t think they have important papers. 

As the year ends, I challenge you to schedule an appointment with yourself to locate your important papers, to complete either my Vital Information Form or find another template that will work for you.  There is no time like NOW.  Do it.   If you can’t locate the Form, email me.  Make this one of your resolutions and keep it.

Start 2017 with a feeling of accomplishment.  While this is a small accomplishment in the scheme of everyday living, it is a great accomplishment for family and friends who have to deal with the aftermath of death.

I have scheduled time to review my Form this week.  With so many password changes,  a scheduled update for my Form is in my future.

Planning for life and death are not mutually exclusive. 

Enjoy your holidays....

Living Together and Not Married

If you are living with another person (a “partner”, a family member other than a spouse, or a friend) and you do not have a written set of instructions about what the individual needs to do if you are incapacitated or deceased, your “live in” will be put in an awkward situation.  It doesn’t matter how old you are, if you own the property and are cohabitating, it is so important that you take the time to write a will and letter of instruction.  Does your “live in” get the furniture or do your kids get it?  How long can your “live in” stay in the house/apartment?  What happens to the blue vase that your mother left you?  Yes, the state you live in may determine how the situation falls out, however, the overall intent is “be proactive and take the time to learn how to protect your “live in” and how to be responsible to your family”.

These are knotty questions and require some thought and a commitment of time to address.

And make sure someone other than your “live in” knows where you keep your important papers.  If you have not completed my form about your important financial and hsitorical information, email me and I will send you a copy.  Remember it is by no means the end all/ be all of information; it is a basis for you to add in your own personal touches.  I welcome your dialogue.

Until next time…

RUFADAA

No the title does not have typos nor is it a word in another language.  It is an acronym for – are you ready? - the Revised Uniform Fiduciary Access to Digital Assets Act.  That’s a mouthful but a topic for discussion.  You see the word “digital” so you know it has something to do with our online presence.  If you have shared your passwords and accounts with someone or have at least written down the info for your heirs to find, you may not be concerned about it.  But, if you have chosen not to pay attention to your digital life, then you must read this.  According to:
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/say-youre-dead-who-gets-access-to-your-online-accounts/, 20 states have enacted RUFADAA which will govern how your family/executor will be able to gain access to your online accounts if you die or become disabled.  It is anticipated that by the end of 2017, all states will have enacted this law.

I wrote about Facebook’s Legacy Program in the past (see Security Settings in Facebook) and check out Google, Yahoo, etc. for info about their regulations if you die or become incapacitated.  So even if you have a will or power of attorney, your digital life may just hang out there without anyone being able to either close it down or view it.  Think of all the photos that are stored on a site.  Think about online bank accounts.  If no one knows they are there and if no one has access to the passwords, then there could be problems for the family. 

An attorney quoted in the CBS article suggested the power of attorney document be amended to include information about digital access.  Yes, this is confusing.  Yes, you may not think your online presence is so important and yes, you don’t think anyone in your family would want access to your online life; however, what we think about today may change so drastically in the future.  When Pennsylvania passes this law- and it’s pending- I am going to contact my attorney to find out what documents I have to update. 

If you found this post helpful, please let me know.

Deliberate Steps

The following is a summary of an article by Miriam Goodman from nextavenue.org:

If you have been chosen to be the executor/executrix, you may need to get a tax ID number for the estate.  Contact the IRS or go to their website.  This is why it is so helpful if you know in advance that you will have this responsibility.  Hopefully, if you have had the conversation where you learned that you will be responsible, you know where the bank accounts and credit cards are located, whether or not the funeral is prepaid, where the burial plot is located, and the names of the lawyer and investment personsfinancial manager

You will also need a number of death certificates to satisfy the paperwork for banks, insurance companies and the like.  People have told me they needed 30 copies while others only needed 10.  You have to know your situation so you don’t have to wait for additional certificates if needed.  I didn’t know one needs a death certificate to have mail forwarded.  Makes sense, though.

The executor needs to check bank statements quickly so that any automatic deposits and withdrawals can be stopped. 

Another step, and they are not in any particular order, is to notify Social Security and to remember to ask for the lump sum survivors benefit which is given to help with funeral expenses.  Don’t get excited—it’s a drop in the bucket but a drop here and a drop there can add up to a puddle.

If it is applicable, notify the Veterans Administration, too.

And remember, the executor is doing all of the above while he is in mourning.  It’s a sad time yet one that is filled with paperwork and details. 

You can read more about this in Scott Taylor Smith’s When Someone Dies: the Practical Guide to the Logistics of Death.

If you found this blog helpful, let me know.

LOVE

I attended a lecture last week and the speaker talked about the death of his father.   The speaker is now the same age as his father was when the father died.  He said he was going to get all his affairs in order with instructions for his family and he was doing it out of love.  He also said- and this is what caught my attention- that when it comes time for his family to follow those instructions, they will do it out of love, too.  My focus has been on the convenience, the lessening the load for the family.  I overlooked the most important aspect of family or friendship- love. 

Although the speaker was in his early 70’s, the importance of getting  one’s papers in order and providing instructions for what should be done after death is not limited to older folks.  Young people and middle aged individuals should think about how much they love their family and friends and then out of love, not obligation, takes steps to ease the burden for those left behind. 

 

If you have not downloaded my information template, please email me and I will send you a copy.   You can send me a message in the comment section below.  

Until next time…

Social Security Benefts for Minors

During lunch on this gorgeous fall day in an outdoor café, my friend, who was widowed last year, told me that her daughter was receiving social security until she finishes high school.  She was not aware of this benefit until another friend mentioned it to her.   Of all the professionals with whom she was in contact as a result of the death of her husband, it was a friend who told her she should apply to Social Security on behalf of her daughter who is still a minor.  Such important information.  So create a note and leave it with your important papers if you have children under age 18 or who are still in high school.  Someone would need to apply for these benefits—the government will not track your children down and offer them the benefits.

In some countries, organ donation is expected and one can “opt out”.  Here in the US, one has to “opt in”.  And to receive insurance benefits of any kind, one has to “opt in”.  The responsibility falls on the consumer in the US.

Make that responsibility more palatable by organizing your important papers, having THE conversation with your family about your desires for end of life care, and collecting information for your survivors that will make their journey less difficult.

As always, if you have questions or comments, please email me or leave them in the space below on the web version.