Family Medical History

“You have cancer.”  Scary words.  That was 9 years ago and all is well.  However, those words have heightened my interest in family medical history.  I was intrigued to learn about a government website: https://familyhistory.hhs.gov.  What I was surprised to learn, after in putting information, was that there was no way to save it or to print it.  While it is useful to see trends, I would have to input all the information again if anything should change (new diagnoses in my living relatives).

I do however, see the value of having a medical history family tree.  Many years ago, as I was updating addresses for my extended family, I asked about medical information.  And as I suspected, very few cousins responded to my inquiry.  Why?  The information is personal and many people don’t want to know if their genes carry a time bomb. I have mixed feelings on this- one the one hand, I would want to know if my kids had a predisposition to any disease because of my family history.  On the other hand, if I could not do anything about the situation, then what good would it do me to know? 

There are also several companies that specialize in online genetic testing.  As I see it, the question is: is the company truly legit and will I get scientific information or is this just another scheme to get me to part with my money. 

Do you have stories to share?  Be a contributor.  We can learn from one another.

 Image: TerraVox

Reviewing my own will

After 8 years it was time to review my own will, financial and health care power of attorney.  So off to the lawyer, Dale Frayer (http://www.frayerlaw.com), I went.  A quick review, a few changes, getting some questions answered, and I am feeling so much better about my future.  The next task is to talk with my family and as they are all over the country, we will do it via a computer video chat.

The most important takeaway from this experience is the Conversation with a capital “C”.  I talked with my husband and my lawyer and soon with my kids about how I want the future to look.  There are no guarantees in life; however, I am trying to cover as many of the bases as I can think of.  And I invite you to share your experiences; we can only benefit from others’ stories.

I also made a decision to review my will, etc. in five years unless a life changing situation occurs earlier.

All the paperwork is not only for taking care of my family after my death, it is also for taking care of them if I become incapacitated.   Too often, people forget about the latter situation.  So if you don’t have a will, financial and health care power of attorney, look into getting them.  There are plenty of online templates- just be sure you select one that will work in the state in which you live.  Or, better yet, find an attorney who specializes in estate planning.

Image: Ken_Mayer

What a Mess!

“What a mess” Susie kept saying when we were talking about the chaos she found after her sister’s death.  Important papers all over the house, unpaid bills, unopened mail stacked in piles on the dining room table.  Kathleen, single, aged 60 and living with mom, had been ill for many years but she seemed to be managing.  Then one day she died in her sleep.  Kathleen was divorced with one grown son.  She was also a loaner and even though she was living with mom, Kathleen kept to herself. 

Mom, 90, struggles to get through the day- physically and emotionally. 

So Susie is left with the responsibility of cleaning up the mess.  She knew there had been a will but had no idea where it was or who the lawyer was.  She called the ex-husband and fortunately, he had a copy.  The funeral home needed the social security number; Susie couldn’t find it.  Mom thought she knew it however she provided an incorrect number which was not discovered until 2 months later when social security denied the burial benefit. 

Though there were no assets to speak of, the hassle of going through bags and bags of mail, contacting people who were owed money and shutting down bank accounts was very stressful.   The aggravation would have been mitigated if Kathleen had taken the responsibility of putting all her important papers in one spot and letting her sister know which box contained crucial information.

It’s been almost a year since Kathleen died and finally all the paperwork has been completed.  A harsh lesson for Susie who is now in the process of getting her own information together so that her husband and children will not have to deal with “a mess”.

If you have not completed the Vital Information Form because you do not have a will, financial power of attorney or health care power of attorney, start today.  Talk to your friends about an attorney or go on line to find forms for these documents.  Make an appointment with yourself to do this.

Image:  flicker.com/photos/readingmytealeaves/

Passbooks

After his grandmother’s death, Shawn’s task was to go through the bedrooms and separate things: save for the family, donate, and toss.  In the top shelf of Sadie’s closet were several shoe boxes. And in those boxes were bank passbooks.  What an ordeal. Some of the banks were no longer in existence, some of the passbooks had been closed, and some could possibly be viable.  After hours of phone calls, Shawn and his brothers finally got things straight.  The total amount of money was not large though it was significant enough to warrant the time and effort needed to identify where the money was and to work with the lawyer to unravel the mystery.  With the help of Sadie’s attorney, the money was distributed to the rightful heirs.  What a hassle for a few hundred dollars! 

And how does this relate to my mission?  Sadie lived through the depression.  She probably was fearful of putting her money in one bank in case the bank failed as it did then.  Life events happened: babies are born, kids go to school, marriages and grandchildren.  Being the full time homemaker and eventual caretaker for her husband, Sadie forgot about all those Passbooks hiding out in the closet.  Don’t let this happen to your family.  They don’t need the aggravation.  Keep all of your important papers in one place- preferably in a fireproof box.  Review the box annually.  Use the Vital Information Form to remind you of your assets.

Image:  Tom Tolkein

Organ Donation- Part 2

Organ Donation congures up lots of emotion in all of us.  If you have been following the story of litttle Lucas Goeller, the 2 year old who needed a liver, you have seen true compassion and concern. And many of you have gained a partial understanding of the rules and regulations surrounding organ donation.   The Swedberg family of Nebraska made the decision to directly donate their daughter Olivia's liver to Lucas.  Olivia was dying of brain cancer.  And even though the blood type was not the same, the doctors felt that they could overcome that obstacle...and Lucas was given a chance to live.

All of the major religions support organ transplant.  And once you talk about it, you can decide if you want to donate all your organs, only some of them, your bone and tissue, your eyes...the decision is in your hands.

And just because you sign up to be a donor doesn't mean you will be able to actually donate.  So much depends on where you die and the cause of death.  If you die at home, it is unlikely you will be able to donate because of the lapse in time from death to harvesting the organs.

The most important thing you can do is to talk about your family about your thoughts.  Unfortunately, adult children sometimes have different opinions about organ donations and the stress of the death of a parent can conflict with the parent's wishes, especially if these wishes have not been discussed.

The main theme of this blog is "discussion".  No one knows what you are thinking unless you state your opinions.  No one is a mind reader but we all can be mindful.

Being mindful is key to success.  Whether it is mindful eating, mindful meditation or mindful party planning, if we stop and think about our actions and the ways in which our actions affect ourselves and others, we will be more thoughtful in how we conduct ourselves.  There isn't necessarily a correlation between what we think or plan and the actual outcome.  What is important is that we have given thought to the subject and then discussed our personal thoughts with the important people in our lives.

Organ Donation- Part 1

“Between 10,000 and 12,000 people die annually who are considered medically suitable for organ, tissue and cornea donation, yet only a fraction of them are donors.”  This is according to CORE, the Center for Organ Recovery and Education.  Unless this touchy topic is discussed prior to a death, the lifesaving opportunity may be lost.  Why don’t people jump at the chance to save a life?  Fear, superstition and misinformation are three of the main reasons.

 All major religions support organ and tissue donation.  Medical personnel are bound by their oath to do everything in their power to save a person involved in an accident even though that individual is a donor.  Systems are in place to protect the integrity of the deceased.  Fear can be alleviated. Superstition can be explained. Misinformation can be corrected.  All it takes is a willingness to learn and then to discuss with family.

I signed up through the Department of Motor Vehicles about 15 years ago.  It just seemed like the right thing to do.  Since then, we have had personal experience with transplantation.  A cousin received a piece of cadaver bone during an orthopedic procedure.  And several friends received the gift of life with liver and kidney transplants.  It’s a beautiful thing when someone who is near death becomes the beneficiary of an organ and life begins again.

I would encourage everyone to talk with their spiritual leader about organ donation and then talk with a family member about their decision.   Families need to know what you want.  This can be part of the discussion about end of life issues or a separate discussion.  Kids or parents can bring it up.  The key word is “discussion.”  Talk about your thoughts so that those who have to make the decision will know what you want.

Resources:  www.core.org

                    www.organdonor.gov

                    www.donatelife.net

Dinner with Friends

Dinner with friends is an unusual place for a conversation about wills, etc. but that’s what happened when 2 couples with second marriages and his and hers kids got together.  And I was astonished to learn that her son did not have a will or a guardian for his kids.   I thought some of my kids were the only ones who have chosen to ignore the will and guardianship issue.  How can bright people ignore this?  Life can change in an instant and unless we, as responsible adults, take action to make our wishes known, situations can spiral out of control for survivors.  What happens if both parents die at the same time and little children become orphans?  Do the parents want grandparents to step in?  Do the parents agree that one of their siblings is in a better place to step in?  Or do the courts have to decide?   All of this can be avoided if parents of young children take the responsibility to select a guardian.  We are not invincible teenagers, we are mortal men and women.  Things happen.  Plans must be made; they can always be changed in the future.  My predicament is, can I change other people's behavior. 

Thoughts????

Photo: Romain Matte