POLST

I continue to be amazed about what I don’t know. 

I recently read about a man who had an advanced directive on file at his hospital; however, no one noticed it in his file when he was admitted.  The patient was unable to speak for himself, the son wanted life-saving measures for his father (father and son never discussed scenarios) and for two weeks none of the medical personal saw the form.  The father had medical procedures and other unwanted treatment and was sent back to the nursing home from whence he came.

What I didn’t know is that the Advanced Directive is not a physician’s order.  I should have known this because a physician hasn’t signed it. Of all the many surgeries we have had in my family, the only question asked is – Do you have a Living Will?  No one asks to look at it, to review it with the patient, to ascertain if the patient understands the form.  And from some of the comments in the article I noted above, the Advanced Directive is placed in the person’s chart or scanned in and then gets lost among the myriad of test results and physician notes.   

The second piece of information I learned is people with serious illness need an Advanced Directive or Living Will and a POLST.  The latter is a form signed by a physician with very specific directions.  First responders are required to give assistance unless the patient has a POLST, Physician Orders for Life-sustaining Treatment.  About half the states in the US has a POLST Program and the other half is developing one.  Visit www.polst.org for specific information about your state.

The bottom line, and my mantra, is talk with your family so that the younger generation knows what you want regarding end of life decisions and you know what they want in the event of their own unexpected crisis.

Nothing beats talking to another human being about these difficult topics.

Twists and Turns

Almost every time I think I have things figured out, I learn about a new situation that either negates or reinforces a position.  Recently I attended the funeral of a friend.  Only a few months before, I attended the funeral of her husband.  When spouses die within a short timeframe, it is known as the “widowhood effect”.  Scientifically, it can be referred to as takotsubo cardiomyopathy, aka “broken-heart syndrome”. 

The adult children introduced me to their parents’ lawyer and estate planner.  We exchanged pleasantries and lamented on the children’s sadness of losing both parents in such a short timeframe.  She indicated the estates were “a mess” because neither parent discussed the will. The children and the wife did not act quickly on the father’s estate.  I am guessing that the bulk of the estate was left to the wife but since the wife had not acted on settling the estate, and now she has passed away, the lawyer has to untangle it all.

The advice most estate planners give to the beneficiaries is to take one’s time in settling the estate- take time before putting the house on the market and moving to an apartment; take time to sell collectables; contact life insurance companies immediately.  But is there a problem with “too much time”?  And in this case, when one spouse dies quickly after another, there is a problem.

The attorney indicated that a major factor in the “mess” was the lack of communication between the parents and the adult children.  Apparently some of the circumstances could have been mitigated if the parents had discussed the will and arrangements with their kids, especially by giving the adult children the name of the lawyer.

Bottom line:  Don’t leave your kids/friends/beneficiaries uninformed.  Have the conversation about end of life issues including finances and the “stuff” of life.   And be sure to let the heirs know the name of the attorney/ finance person.  And talk to your estate attorney about a Plan B in the event your beneficiary dies before the estate is settled.

If you have not received a copy of my Vital Information Form, please email me and I will send it along as a word document.

SCAMS

Several weeks ago I attended a senior health fair sponsored by a local congressman.  The Pennsylvania Attorney General’s office was represented and the staff person handed out a booklet discussing scams and how to avoid falling victim to one.  I would hope most, if not all states, had similar materials for residents.

The focus of this 80 page booklet was “rights and responsibilities” which reinforces my premise for starting this blog- we have responsibilities to take care of ourselves and to be as knowledgeable as possible to keep ourselves safe.

Among the things I learned are:

 -How to file a complaint with the Bureau of Consumer Protection

- The nuts and bolts of the Lemon Law

-I am entitled to one free credit report annually

-Ways to avoid identity theft including opting out of receiving unsolicited preapproved credit card applications by calling 1-888-567-8688  (I just did this and it was a very simple process) ; and shredding magazine subscription labels

-What to look for when buying a hearing aid or other medical aids

-Home improvement regulations

-What to think about when buying or selling a home or car

-Who to call for a product safety issue

-Current scams: Grandparent, electricity, tech support, government agency, internet sales, electric and gas generation supplier sales, home security systems, work at home schemes, living trust mills and annuity, lottery/sweepstakes, mystery shopper, investment, travel and prescription.  Most of these have been in the news but several were new to me. 

-Information about card skimmers-if it doesn’t look like it belongs on the machine, it probably doesn’t.

-Important phone numbers and websites

And last, but not least, I signed up for scam alerts under www.attorneygeneral.gov- it’s listed on The Office page.

If you are not in Pennsylvania, check your state’s Attorney General’s Office for similar information.

In Pennsylvania, call 1-800-441-2555; you may be able to receive Rights and Resources Consumer Guide in the mail.

Organizing for a Disaster

A friend who lives in California told me about her daughter who was asked by the elementary school principal to write individual letters to her children and to include a family picture so that in the event of a disaster, the school administration could give the letters to the children for reassurance, to help calm them down, to allay their fears.  I was saddened to hear that administrators are put in the position of having to think about this.  

The conversation comes at a time when the US is focused on natural disasters- Hurricanes Harvey, Irma and Maria; Earthquakes; Wild Fires.  As I read about people discussing their quick evacuation from their homes, I am wondering what they take with them.  I don’t live in a flood plain so I have not had to ever worry about evacuation for a natural disaster.  Do I have a plan?  What would I take with me?  How would I leave my valuables?  The answers are unique to our individual situations.  Heavy duty plastic bags are looking mighty good to me right now.

When I was in school, the building was safe.  No one carried a gun, we didn’t have security guards.  In fact, students acted as “crossing guards” and students were called upon to escort guests around the building.  Though, come to think of it, we who are of a certain age can remember the bomb drills- a bell would ring and we would have to crouch under our desk and be quiet.  The teacher would turn out the lights and pull the window blinds down, if we had them. 

These drills didn’t bother me.  After all, I was in the greatest country in the world and no country in their right mind would dare drop a bomb on the US.  We also didn’t have up- to- the- minute knowledge of disasters, we only saw the news at night if we were allowed to stay up that late and most kids I knew did not read the newspaper.  Wars and natural disasters were not part of our lives in a real way.

Not so today.  We are prepped for disasters.  We have time to think about impending crises.  What would you take with you if you had to flee your home?  While I have a small safe for my important documents, I am now thinking I should put it in a large plastic bag in the event of a flood or tornado. 

I have my list with important phone numbers and important people.  Most people do not have their paperwork organized.  What is stopping you?  Take the time during a calm period to organize your papers.  I should say “schedule a time during a calm period to organize your papers” –this is your call to action!

For me, by mid-October, I will have made a copy of my important papers and a copy of important pictures; I will place them in a heavy duty plastic bag so that I can quickly grab it if I needed to leave my home quickly.  What is your action step?

Death Cafe Update

Picture this:  a sunlit room, 8-10 chairs around  small conference tables, the scent of coffee wafting from a corner, 40 people talking in small groups, and the topic of the day is – death.

This was a recent experience.  I attended a Death Café in a room within a museum.  I went by myself and sat with 7 strangers.  Each group had a facilitator.  We talked for 90 minutes about grief, death rituals, afterlife (yay or nay).  The object was to listen, to be open and nonjudgmental, and to be willing to express fears and sadness.  The result of the afternoon was insight and calm.  We were of different age  and social economic levels and probably religions though we didn’t discuss this.  Though the subject was death, it was an uplifting afternoon.

There are Death Cafes being held all over the world.  All it takes to create one is a room, some coffee and sweets and the courage to discuss the topic.  The phenomenon started in the UK in 2011.  Cafes have been held in 51 countries and I would like to have one in my community.  The first step is to write a proposal to the library to ask for a free room.  Then I will advertise and see what happens.  The guideline states the event is to be free to the public and that there needs to be coffee or tea and cake!

Some people have asked me why I seem to be fixated on death.  While I think I have a well-balanced life—family, friends, recreation and learning, I think, as I have gotten older, I am more acutely aware of the finality of life.  Rather than running from that thought, I am embracing it and trying to make the most of the life I have as I appreciate there will be death which is inevitable. 

Check out deathcafe.com for more info.

Let me know your thoughts…….

A Written Legacy

Thanks to my brother-in-law for passing on the following information. 

 Ebey Funeral Solutions in Dallas created a brochure with interesting questions.  In it, the suggestion is given to spend  time each week answering one of the 50 questions listed.

It is not an overwhelming assignment.  Schedule 15 minutes one day a week for 50 weeks and at the end you will have a wonderful legacy to leave for your family.  

If you would like the list, I think I can scan it into a response to an email.

Some of the questions are:

Why did you parents give you your name?

What are your favorite family traditions?

Where did you go to school?  (Elementary, Middle, High School, College, etc)

How did you and your spouse/partner meet?

What are your special talents?

I’m sure you can come up with your own list of questions/topics and begin answering them in September which is frequently considered another time to reboot/reconnect/begin anew.

In the past when I have thought about writing about my life, I seem to focus on the hard times and then I get sad and give up.  Having topics, like writing chapters in a book, would help me break down my story into manageable parts.  I’m going to try this. 

Let me know what you decided to do.

The Funeral Folder

At the funeral of a friend, the clergy told the story of the woman’s life.  He smiled when he said the woman had a Funeral File among her papers.  This file contained her wishes for her funeral including the name of the cemetery, the plot number and the psalms she wanted to be read.  She had everything labeled and her husband and children had the gift of giving her exactly what she wanted.

It is a gift.  I think most of American society think of the final preparations as morbid or scary.  I look at it as a gift.  I have peace of mind knowing that I am doing my best to have all the necessary legal and practical bits of information in one place so that my family will not have to agonize over whether or not they did the right thing for me if I become incapacitated or die.  

In honor of my friend, I am renaming my file, The Funeral File.  It has a boring label: will, etc.

Onward to the label maker and beyond…

As always, please leave a comment if you are inclined.