My Mother's Death

New Year’s Eve is supposed to be happy and fun.  But New Year’s Eve, 1973 wasn’t.  We returned from a party and as we were paying the babysitter, the phone rang.  Never a good sign.  It was my father.  My mother was having chest pains.  They, too, had just returned from dinner, a celebratory 34^thanniversary dinner.   We asked the babysitter to stay and we drove over to their apartment which was about 10 minutes away. Since she was able to walk and talk, we did not call an ambulance- first mistake. We hustled her into the car and raced to the Hospital. After getting her check-in, we waited- second mistake.   At some point I went up to the receptionist and said she was having chest pains again which finally prompted the staff to get her into a room and to call a doctor.  She died 5 days later after suffering several more heart attacks and a collapsed lung.

Lessons learned—1-- a patient brought in by ambulance has a higher priority to be seen in the ER; 2-- being assertive when dealing with a health crisis is necessary.

I don’t think the outcome would have been any different; however, as I look back and see things as a movie being played out in front of me, I believe I would have been less scared and more in control if I had thought about what could happen in medical emergencies and death.  “Knowledge is power” has been around for a long time.  And while that’s true, I believe the power comes first from knowing where information is and where resources are.  In other words, where to find the knowledge is the first step in finding the power.

Perhaps that experience was the seed for my current mission- to get people of all ages to talk about the details of dealing with a death.  Getting uncomfortable topics on the table is practice for real life situations.

Since my parents no longer owned a home, my mother did not own anything in her own name and there was no internet, the paperwork after her death was minimal. As an only child, I did not have to share any of the keepsakes or personal affects. 

Dealing with my death will not be easy for my 4 daughters, 4 sons-in-law, 3 step-daughters, 3 step sons-in-laws, 17 grandchildren (soon to be 18) and who knows- by then I may have some great grandchildren. I own a car and have a presence on the Internet which I plan to have for many, many more years. Photos are no longer in tangible albums but in a cloud.  The “stuff” of life is more complicated for most of us.  This blog will explore the ever growing number of details that people must deal with when a family member dies.

I am not a lawyer, estate planner or accountant.  I am, however, someone who is interested in helping families with the conversation.  Stay tuned….